My Lovely Brown

I am not a coffee drinker.

I wish I was, I really do. I love the idea of coffee.

I think chunky, ceramic mugs are cute. I also think I would look really grown-up and trendy carrying around one of those paper cups with the nifty little lid. Coffee makes an incredible accessory. It goes with anything. Even jeans and a tee look cute with a coffee cup. It's like the "little black dress" of accessories. You just can't go wrong carrying around a cup of coffee.

I have tried to like it. I have tasted every kind of coffee I could find, but yuck. Every single sip makes me want to gag. It tastes like charcoal water and who wants to drink that?

Kris likes coffee. He frequents those trendy places with the bistro sets and the tan and burgundy walls. I always have to give him an extra long hug after he meets a friend for coffee. He smells so yummy. You see, I love the way coffee smells. I even bought a coffee candle. Imagine my embarrassment, though, when someone dropped by and asked to stay for a cup of that delicious-smelling coffee. "Oh no," I had to say, "I'm not hip enough to drink coffee. It's just a candle." Oh, how I wished coffee tasted the way it smells!

In November, Kris took me to Starbucks. (He had a gift card and he wanted a cheap date.) I stood there, desperately searching the menu for something I could choke down, when I spotted it - "Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate."

I like caramel. I like chocolate.

I was not prepared, however, for the utter bliss that I would feel upon my first sip of this nectar of the gods.

I truly embarrassed myself in front of my sweet husband. He thought I was having some sort of attack or something. I cannot mimic the sounds of joy that escaped my mouth. I thought I was going to die from . . . I don't know. . . ecstasy?

It tasted so perfectly delicious and on top of that . . . . it came in one of those paper cups with that nifty little lid! Finally, I had found perfection in my world. The most wonderful tasting beverage and a darling accessory all in one package! My heart is, even now, thumping wildly at the thought of this discovery.

But my joy was matched with an equal sorrow when December rolled around and "salted caramel" was replaced on the menu by "peppermint". Peppermint! My heart ached at the realization that "Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate" was a seasonal menu item - available during the autumn months only.

Depression set in over the months of December and half of January.

That is, until this week.

Out of sheer desperation, I asked my husband to drive me to Roaster's. I needed caramel hot chocolate and I needed it bad. Roaster's is a cute little coffee shop. It smells nice. No caramel hot chocolate, though. Fighting back tears, I asked my husband to see if the little coffee guy behind the counter would make me some hot chocolate and add caramel. You know what? The little guy said "OK. Sure thing!" He was even chipper about it and acted like it was perfectly normal for the husband of a teary, desperate, imbalanced female to ask for caramel.

One sip and I knew I had found what I had been looking for. My heart was finally home.

But, oh, what does this mean? Have I wasted almost two months mourning a beverage I could have been drinking all along? Oh, the pain, the regret! What have I done? What have missed?

Alas, after much soul searching, I have resolved to not give in to the regret of past mistakes. I will no longer torment myself. What's done is done. I cannot change the past. All I can do it look to the future and enjoy each day as it comes.

I will not take for granted my luscious Caramel Hot Chocolate. I will relish each and every sip. I will not think on those darkest of days, spent away from my lovely brown. I am bravely walking towards a new dawn; a new chapter.

.....and don't I look fab carrying my paper cup with that nifty little lid?