Walking Blind

One Friday afternoon, few years ago, we were driving home from violin lesson when Bailey said, "Mama, I have a funny feeling in my tummy."

"Are you sick?" I asked.

"No", she said, "I just having a funny feeling about something. . . . . . how did I get here? I mean, you adopted me from Korea, but how was I born? Zacky came from your tummy, but where did I come from?"

Why are the BIG questions always asked in heavy traffic?

You see, we hadn't told Bailey about her birthmom. We had talked about Korea, the "Babies Home", her foster mother, the airplane, the paperwork, the attorney, the judge, citizenship, the baby shower - all of the "easy" things about adoption. We had answered all of her questions honestly, but for some reason, the subject of a birthmom had never come up. It didn't come up until that day, driving down Hillside in heavy traffic.

Deep down inside I wanted to say, "Let's wait until Daddy gets home from work and we'll sit down and talk about it." But I didn't. I didn't want this to be uncomfortable. I didn't want it to seem like a big secret or a difficult subject, so I just blurted out "You came from another lady's tummy. She loved you very much and wanted you to have a family. She wasn't able to take care of you and she wanted you to have a good life. So, after you were born, she found some people who helped her find us. We needed a baby and you needed a Mommy and Daddy, so God put us together."

When we got home, I let her and Zack rummage through her "baby box" that is kept in my closet. We had looked through it before many times, but it meant more to her this time. She looked at her passport, pictures of her foster mother, the clothes she was wearing on the airplane. . . . then Zack jumped up and ran out of the room. "I can't talk about this anymore!"

"Why mom?" He asked in tears. "Why didn't that lady keep her? It makes me sad."

We've talked to Bailey about adoption her entire life. We've tried to answer questions honestly. We haven't brought up issues that we felt were not age appropriate. We've read books about adoption and celebrated her Korean heritage. I thought I had done everything "right". I have always been so sensitive to Bailey's thoughts and emotions concerning adoption, but I never even considered what Zack was thinking or feeling. Zack was really troubled. I never dreamed he would react this way.

"I just don't know what I would do if you didn't want me when I came out of your tummy,"  he sobbed, "Poor Bailey." We tried to reassure him that it wasn't that she didn't want Bailey. She just couldn't take care of her.

Wow. I was NOT ready for all of this. Things finally "settled down" after a couple of weeks and I thought we had made it through a rough patch.

Until last night.

Bailey brought me a picture she had drawn of a smiling lady holding a baby. "My birthmom," she said in a monotone voice, "and me." Then she turned and left the room. I slipped into her room and asked her if she wanted to talk. "Yes," she said, "I want to talk about my dollhouse."

So, we talked about her dollhouse. We talked about the furniture, the dolls who live there, the next "home improvement project" she would like Pa Pa to start working on. We talked for a long time. I guess I was waiting for her to bring up her adoption, but she didn't. She just wanted to talk about her dollhouse.

I don't want either of my children to hurt. I want them to both see the side of adoption that is wonderful and beautiful. I don't want them to see the other side - the side that can cause sadness and confusion. I just want them to feel loved, accepted, treasured, and happy.

Bailey and I have a special bond. From the moment my big brown eyes met her tiny little black ones, we have been linked together. There is a quiet comfort when we are together. We belong together.  I will never see adoption as anything but a miracle. My daughter may have been born half a world away, but the love I have for her is as deep as any mother's love. I could go on and on, trying to explain the love I have for my little Korean angel, but it all boils down to one thing : She is my daughter. It is as simple as that.

A while back, after a fun day together, she said, "You're the best, Mom. I'm so glad I came here because, you know, when you're adopted from Korea, you just never know WHAT kind of mom you're gonna get!"

Being a mom the hardest, happiest thing in my world. I am trying to just take things a day at a time, answering questions gently and honestly. I am trying to keep my emotions at bay. There are times I am panicking on the inside and acting casual on the outside. There have been times I have poured out my heart to God, asking for wisdom and there have been times when I have sent up a quick "help me say the right thing" prayer.

Trust me, I have read all the books, but I still feel like I am walking blind through a forest. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, hoping I don't bump into a tree or trip on a fallen log.

Kris walked into the house one day after a long day at work and Bailey said "Hey Dad, I know I came out of another lady's tummy, but how did I get in there in the first place?"

Yikes!

Kris said "Hmmm. That's a good question". She turned and hopped out of the room.

Whew! That was a close one!

My Husband Thinks I am Pretty

I found a note one morning, a couple of weeks ago, stuck to my bathroom mirror. It was from my husband. It said, "You are beautiful. I love you."

It's funny, when you think about it. It was just a little note on a heart-shaped piece of paper, stuck to the bathroom mirror. It's funny, how something so simple could mean so much.

My husband thinks I am pretty.


He is the first one to tell me I look nice. He tells me he likes my hair, my new outfit.

Even on days I pull my hair into a messy ponytail and wear my jeans and flip flops, he tells me I am pretty.

Sometimes I laugh. I think it is absurd. I look in the mirror and see a tired, frazzled, frumpy, highly imperfect person and yet my husband thinks I am pretty. How can that be?

I have quit trying to figure it out. I have quit accusing him of being dishonest. I just relish in the fact that my husband thinks I am pretty.

There is an incredible security in that.

VBS

I wanted her to enjoy VBS.

I wanted her to make crafts, eat cookies, play games, make friends.

She wanted the same thing, I think.

But it was too much to handle and Tuesday evening, we got a call from the church.

She was crying. They didn't know why. She wanted to come home.

We rushed to get her.

She said she was thirsty, there were too many people, it was too loud.

I wanted her to have a great week.

I wanted her to make good memories.

I wanted her to enjoy VBS.

It's just a little thing. It is mild, in comparison.

We could be dealing with much worse.

But it still makes this mama's heart sad, somtimes.

Books: Where We Go, What We Do Part 5

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"The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

Dr. Seuss

Bailey had a check-up today. The doctor went through his list of questions -

"How is she doing in school?"
"Does she eat plenty of vevatables?"
"Does she get at lest 8 hours of sleep a night?"
"What are her hobbies?"


I rattled off answers and everything was status quo until he asked, "On average, how many hours of TV does she watch in a day?"
"Less than an hour." I honestly answered.
He looked at me over his glasses.
"Really?"
"On average, yes."
I'm not sure he believed me, but I answered honestly.


Bailey and Zack watch very little TV. They spend much more time reading books than watching TV. Out of curiosity, I timed Zack one day last week. He sat and read a book for 1 hour and 45 minutes before he decided to go outside to play. Later, he came back in and read more. He didn't watch TV at all that day.


I started reading to Bailey and Zack when they were infants. We had Bailey for less than 24 hours when I cuddled up on the hotel bed and read "Goodnight Moon" to her for the first time. Zack learned to read at the age of 3. Reading is part of who they are.


We have a wall of bookshleves in our school room. When the house is quiet, I can usally find one of them curled up on a beanbag chair in front of those shelves, reading.


We make frequent trips to the library. Bailey and Zack have their own library cards, which are treasures. This increases the number of books we can check out and they feel very grown-up, going to the counter with their stack of books and checking them out with their very own library cards! We go to the library at least once a week and come home with stacks and stacks of new books to read. It is pure joy!


When Zacky was 6 years old, he saw Kris sitting with a book. "What are you doing, Daddy?"


"Reading."


"No you're not. You're not saying anything."


Zack was used to be read to by Dad. He couldn't figure out how Dad could read without reading out loud!


Kris reads to the kids every night. I read to them every morning. In between times they read to themselves or even to each other! This morning, they were sitting on the couch. Zack was listening as Bailey read him a book.


We are a reading family!

Nature: Where We Go, What We Do Part 4

We sit in the mud ..... and reach for the stars.

Ivan Turgenev

We are outdoor-sy people. Like everyone else, I enjoy a nice restaurant and hotel, but I also love sleeping in a tent and cooking over a fire. I know not every one enjoys these things and that's OK. To each his own. But I do think nature is an important part of children's lives. I've posted about this before, so I will stay off my soapbox for now.


Kris and I have always loved camping and hiking. The rougher, the farther away from civilization, the better. One of our favorite camping spots is an hour away from pavement and 2 hours away from the nearest little town. It is paradise. 



When we had children, though, we started camping and hiking in "tamer" areas that are closer to civilization. We learned it doesn't have to be so extreme to be fun! (It is funny, though, that our closest run-in with a bear was in one of these "tamer" areas. A large black bear crept within 3 feet of a sleeping Zacky. Kris quickly scared the bear away, but my heart has still not completely recovered from that incident!) 



We have gone tent camping, hiking, fishing, jeeping, and gold-panning. I think we have successfully instilled a love of nature in our children. A few months ago, we made a trip to Dallas. We visited Lego Land, The American Girl Store, The Rain Forest Cafe, The Sea Life Aquarium, The Science and Natural History Museum, ice skated at the Galleria, shopped at the Lego Store, toured the Texas Motor Speedway . . . . .  The kids had a blast, but on the way home I overheard a conversation that included the statement: Dallas was fun, but the mountains are better.


Camping is such an amazing family adventure, but if staying overnight in a tent is intimidating, then take your children on a hike. It's a great way to enjoy the outdoors and you can sleep in a real bed when the day is done! Our first family hike, we "wore" Bailey and Zack in baby backpacks. They had so much fun, grasping at leaves as we hiked by trees. Thankfully, they are now able to walk on their own and enjoy longer hikes. Zack calls it "adventuring" and I can't think of a better name for it.


Time is a huge factor when it comes to camping and hiking. If you do not have an entire day to devote to nature, then it is time to figure out ways to enjoy the great outdoors in your own area and even your own backyard.

As I have said before, our backyard is tiny. But we are making the most of it with a small vegetable patch, butterfly garden, bird feeders, tree house, rock garden, and dirt box. We also have logs and stumps scattered around for climbing and a water barrel just for fun.

We go on family bike rides in the mornings or evenings and play basketball on the driveway. Sidewalk chalk is another necessity at our house as well as water balloons and bubbles. Nature Scavenger Hunts are fun, too. We have a handy dandy bandanna version called "Nature Quest".


Our children keep nature journals. This is another excellent way to enjoy nature! We grab our journals, a nice quilt, some colored pencils, binoculars, a magnifying glass, and nature guidebooks and we are set for a fantastic afternoon of nature! I keep these things together in a big bag, so when the mood strikes, we do not have to waste time gathering our supplies. Sometimes we take our nature bag and go exploring. Other times, we just sit in our front yard. There is something special about sitting on my grandmothers quilt, sketching blue jays with my children.




Never underestimate the joy of being outdoors after dark! Flashlights, a small telescope, and star guides are in our arsenal of nature tools. We also have a fire pit and keep marshmallows on hand for impromptu "campfires" in the front yard.

I am always scouring book stores for nature guides. I want my children to enjoy nature and also become knowledgeable about plants and wildlife. We enjoy basic guide books and we also love The Bumper Book of Nature: A Users Guide to the Great Outdoors. It is one of my favorite books of all time! It is a basic "how-to" guide for enjoying nature with children. It includes instructions for outdoor activities year-round.  The Dangerous Book for Boys  has directions for several nature activities, as well. If you are feeling adventurous, then you need to read Extreme Kids. It covers everything from kite boarding to rock climbing!


Mark Jenkins, columnist for Outside magazine said, "You want your kids to have character, confidence, and courage, then banish Xbox, Nintendo, and Game Boy and take them on an adventure!"

I couldn't agree more.

Games and Puzzles: Where We Go, What We Do Part 3

There are all sorts of studies linking board games and jigsaw puzzles to heightened critical thinking skills,  logical reasoning, meta-cognition, intellectual intelligence, and enhanced social skills and while I am sure all of these studies are legitimate, this is not why we enjoy board games and puzzles. We just like playing together. It's fun.


We keep all of our board games and jigsaw puzzles in the living room. They were on an open shelf, but, well, it's looked cluttered and ugly.  So, I bought a cabinet with doors and now the game boxes are well hidden.



We own several board games, but this is a list of our favorites:

Chess
Monopoly
Hiss
Headache
Slamwich
Connect Four
Checkers
Kerplunk
Operation
Picturika
Guess Who
In a Pickle
Othello
Mastermind
Gone Fishing
Battleship
Rumikub


We also like to do puzzles.  Right now, a 100 piece puzzle is the perfect size for our kids to complete in one sitting. There are all kinds of jigsaw puzzles available. I try to look for puzzles with pictures that I think Bailey and Zack would be interested in. So, we do not have puzzles with pictures of gardens, houses, flowers, historical buildings. I look for pictures that are fun and interesting. We have puzzles of m&m's, glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs, cupcakes, ferocious animals, cute animals, a glow-in-the-dark ocean scene . . .


Our little family looks forward to evenings at home with popcorn and board games. It is a great way to spend time together!

Art: Where We Go, What We Do Part 2

OK, I admit it. I'm a huge art dork. I love art. I love making art, teaching art, looking at art, buying art, reading about art. There is something magical about transforming a clean white canvas into something beautiful. Art is one of my passions.

So, it is only natural that my children are surround by art. We try to do something creatively messy every day. Yes, you heard me, I said "MESSY". Those of you who know my pre-occupation with neatness will giggle when you read this. So let me explain - art mess is good mess. Clutter, laundry, dishes are bad messes. But enough about that. Let's get into the messy fun part!

My first piece of advice is this: buy the best quality of art supplies that you can afford. Sure, the kids may fly through them, but it is so much better letting them experiment with the "good stuff".

Second, get rid of those coloring books and craft kits! Now, if you search our household, you WILL find these things tucked away in a cabinet, but we save them for long car trips when we need something to do on the road! I prefer "open art". That is, BLANK sheets of paper and a collection of interesting found and purchased art objects.

Third, make messes. If you are a tad bit fussy, like someone I know, you can use plastic chopping mats, newspaper, or wax paper to cover your surface. If it's something super messy, take it outside or in the garage if the weather isn't co-operating.

We have two "art shelves" in the dining area, since most of our art is created at the kitchen table. One is for mommy, one is for the children. I keep theirs well stocked with things like watercolors, tempera paint, oil pastels, polymer clay, model magic, brushes, pencils, rolling pins, cookie cutters, dried beans, sea shells, yarn, shiny stones, buttons, pipe cleaners, scissors, glue, a spin-art machine, a small sewing machine, felt, scraps of fabric, water color paper, drawing paper, construction paper, origami paper, chalk, pom poms, tissue paper, foil, mod-podge, feathers, and more. I also keep a supply of blank canvases that we only use on special days. Things I do not include are stickers, craft foam, coloring books, and craft kits. There is nothing wrong with these things - they are just not my favorites.

I like to introduce new materials when they are available - interesting books to tear apart (gasp!), bubble wrap, stamps, cardboard, wire, old hardware, pine cones, bits and pieces of broken jewelry, post cards, tags, blocks of wood, lace, anything vintage . . . .

I keep things in clear, glass jars. If the kids can't see it, they won't use it and I want them to use it! Glass isn't the best option, though, for families with tiny ones! 

Beside the art shelf, there is a basket of art books. If the kids hit a creative wall, I encourage them to look through a few books. We have art books filled with artwork by Michelangelo, Cezane', Monet, DaVinci, and Rembrandt. We also have a beautiful book called Artist to Artist filled with art work by children's book illustrators.

If my little artists STILL feel uninspired, I lead them to the how-to books. They will chose a project and take off. It's interesting that their artwork will then take on a life of it's own and the finished product rarely matches the project they chose from the book. Individual creativity always wins out!

Bailey enjoys sewing, so for Christmas, Santa gave her a cute pink and purple sewing machine made by Singer. It is a finicky little thing and not something she can use on her own. If I am not able to sit down with her to sew, she will get out a needle and thread and do some hand sewing. If you have a little seamstress in your house, I highly recommend a book called My First Sewing Book. It is easy to read and filled with fun projects that can be completed with OR without a sewing machine.


My two favorite sources of inspiration are Create With Me and The Artistic Mother. Both are filled with ideas on how to create art WITH your children. I love to paint, art journal, and create mixed media projects. As soon as I sit down to work, I will have a little person sitting next to me wanting to "help".

Create With Me is a magazine. At $14.99 an issue, it is a little pricey, but very much worth it. It is my "go-to" source when I have little "helpers".

The Artistic Mother is written for moms who are artists and provides practical solutions for fitting art into everyday, busy lives.  It is beautifully written and very inspiring.

Art can also be a field trip or even a day trip opportunity!

The Amarillo Museum of Art is a beautiful place. It is small enough to enjoy in an hour, which is perfect for children. Admission is free and they have permanent as well as traveling exhibitions.

The Panhandle Plain Historical Museum in Canyon houses some incredible art galleries as well. The museum is HUGE, though, so I recommend making one trip for just art and go back a few days later to enjoy the rest of the museum.

Another treasure in our city is the Sunset Art Gallery. It houses the galleries and studios of over 60 local artists. They sponsor several events throughout the year including the "First Friday Art Walk".

We are within driving distance of The Citadelle in Canadian. This little-known gallery in an unlikely place is the home to the most impressive art collection in the Panhandle. Who would have ever dreamed?

We also live close to Tulia, the home of Kenneth Wyatt. His gallery is in his home, so call before you make the trip! If he is in town, he will either be mingling with the visitors or in his studio, painting. He is very warm and friendly and loves talking to children about art. 

When we return from one of these wonderful places, the kids walk in the door and head straight for the art shelf. It never fails.

My great "wise one", Zack, has now become an art critic. He is an astute student of art and has some very strong opinions. Yesterday, when telling him about our plans to visit the Theodore Wadell exhibition, he said, "Well I hope this is a good one. The last artwork we saw was horrible. Some people have lost the art of art." I have created a monster - I have created an art critic!

So, now it is your turn -

What do you do to keep your children creatively happy?